I see ‘em!

            During my last formal observation, I died a small death. What could it be, you might guess. Perhaps a quick introduction should you be unaware of my life til now. I’ve been on practicum, being attached to a primary school to teach. Observations are tense moments when a mentor teacher/supervisor/principal sits in at the back of the class to grade you. Basically, you will be sweating big time.

            Now how did I die? No, my mentor did not grade me poorly, but that I felt that I had failed 2 of my students.

            It goes like this: 2 boys, extremely naughty and equally poor in their grades by any stretch of the imagination actually bothered to stop then to ask me,

“Mr. Tan, this one I dunno. Can you help me?”

While this might strike one as an ordinary situation, it surprised me for these 2 boys have never been interested in their studies. They were always causing me much grief in class due to their misbehaviors. But I still liked them because I was naughty like them last time. heez…Anyways…

I had prepared well for the observation lesson and it was an interesting one. It was meant to be fun for every student so that they should pay attention. It worked, perhaps too well.

As the boy asked me this question, I could only answer,

“Ok, ask your friends first, I will help you later.”

My lesson was planned to a tight schedule and I could not afford time to give him individual attention. Time was ticking away and many other ‘explosions’ of misbehaviors were building up behind my back should I not return my attention to the class. Also, they were in need of BIG help (the last CA one got 1/30)

So in fact I had lied to this earnest, knowledge-seeking kid. It was especially painful considering they had never bothered to ask for help or really wanted to learn.

I’ve read this line that goes something like this

‘The hero in the battlefield dies but once,

but the coward dies many little deaths each day.”

Just to detract a little; there are pivotal life-changing moments in each of our lives. For me, they usually involve teachers that have motivated me. In my primary school, a teacher liked my composition and gave me special praise for it, in secondary school, my English teacher, Ms. Ng Soo Nee also said that my compositions were good and that she enjoyed reading them. In JC, my literature teacher Mr Dennis made literature the coolest and most thought-provoking thing on Earth for me. In my night classes, a Mr Anand astounded me by how much the human condition was yet to be explored. And in university, I felt a small place for myself in the universe when some of my teachers like Dr Lumsden bothered to hear and give thought to some of my personal views of things. Hence, basically, these teachers have encouraged me and I feel that if they had not put in that extra effort, my life might have failed or I would be in another path altogether.

Hence in this instance, when I could probably (just maybe) turn this kid’s life around by helping him, I failed too. When would he have another chance when he would think,

‘Someone wants to help me.” Or even know that “I need help”?

it is hard to say.

I’ve shared this with my Mushroom Choomchoom and she has told me that I should go back and offer the 2 kids a chance to have some remedial. I think it is a great idea and I have emailed the kid telling him my suggestion. I’ll just be waiting for my mentor teacher’s reply to the suggestion.

Sometimes, we falter when we are given the chance to do the right thing. Saul Bellow once said:

‘We are never without a reason for long.”

It is true, we quickly justify our actions. Like how I can say that I should never forsake the entire lesson where many others are eager to learn just for a single student. As the Chinese say it, “Do not give up the forest for a single tree’.

Yes, but in our lives, sometimes in that secret silent hour, reasons slip away and we only breath with emotions. At this time, reflection is the most painful, right and wrong are no longer value bound. We instinctively know the things we have done wrong, whatever our reasons for it.

Thankfully, sometimes, we have with us, these guardians of our soul’s secrets. They know us beyond our own reasons. These people will guide us back on track to live the lives we have forgotten. If you find such a person to inspire yourself, and save you from your little deaths, you just might remember to fight on. You should be thankful.

So……………….

This is what the boy wrote to me in a cute email:

Dear  Mr Tan,

Thank for your card and I love you Mr Tan.

We wish you all the best.

From (undisclosed)

So cute right!

If everyday, you have a chance to be putting things right for the people around you, and you are doing the things that matter to you, you’ll know that what you’re doing is worthwhile. If you no longer care, get out of the place, you’re wasting your life! I’m lucky in this sense, having the chance to decide whether I have done right or not.

On thursday I was talking to my mentor teacher by the swimming pool as we were supervising our class for swimming lessons (real fun that!). Anyways she was saying that the present generation of kids are becoming soft as ‘tau-hu’. While I was glad that she spoke as if I did not belong to that ‘tau-hu’ generation (I know I’m not ok?!), I was saddened to hear of such a bleak assessment by someone who is in-charge of our future generation.

Together with the recent furore over the Taiwanese politician saying that ‘Singaporeans are stupidier (sic)’, this episode at the pool does make me confront what are my thoughts towards the present generation. I’m sure all of us have thought of it before; is SIngapore producing the kind of bad-ass no-nonsense Darth Vader leaders of the past, or is the present batch softies?

First of all, we have to examine our present attitudes and those of the critics. We grew up with our values and hence, they naturally seem important to us. That is understandable. It is pretty enjoyable putting down those after us, even if it might be sub-conscious or that we feel we do genuinely despise the attitudes of the current generation. However, I agree with something that I’ve read that it is loutish behaviour to despise new-comers to a scene, just because we have entered the room first. Yes we all have our laughs at those new at something we are adept to, but perhaps we need to show more maturity on that. We need not bolster our insecurity towards the new world by showing disdain for its ways.

The next point I have is that the times will mould themselves. Let me explain. How children grow up now is just a necessary way to change with the times. It is a sort of evolution of sorts. What we call ‘moral-laxness’ of the present kids is a reaction and necessary attitude to survive in an increasingly amoral world. Even things like ’short-attention span’, ‘ill-discipline’ and ‘playfulness’ could also be necessary attributes to survive in the times to come.

Having a short-attention span can be vital in our world where we have to shift our focus on a multitude of things. People have to multi-task alot more these days; be more attentive to small detail, fine-prints, sensory media etc…

Ill-discipline can actually be a good thing to have. In this world where all the old governing forces in people are falling apart (religion, government, family), it is those who are willing to walk out of line that might just be able to survive. Of course these are sweeping statements but are worthy points to note as well.

How about playfulness? Damn it I do hate playful kids! But well, I must acknowledge that with playfulness accompanies a sense of creativity, wanting to challenge norms, a sense of play… all these, I would like my own kid to be eventually be able to have. Though I’ll age faster with a jumpy kid at home.

Hence another point I’ll have to make is that the characteristics that seem bad to us are simply because we judge these kids with old values. The ones that we grew up with. The values that we are good at. The ones they are bad at. Hence, we feel threatened.

I guess every generation will criticise the next. It is a natural process and I hope it doesn’t end too. Surprised? Well in this dispising we are creating a disequilibrium (if such a thing exists!). Where the young will want to prove themselves right and fight for their own values; to make a new world. I guess that is how the human race will survive and progress. We despise them, they despise us. Soon we despise them from rocking chairs, they jump all over us making a new world. Sounds fair? We are doing it now..

Hence if you are thinking that you are bad to condemn the present generation of young punks, you might just be doing them a favor by making them more pissed off by the establishment. And when they are in power, you know where you’ll go…

So go ahead, have your fun, give in to your natural instincts for that is the way of… well, nature lorh. Happy despising! Young punks… so nice saying that. Try it! (then realise that you are old.)