I see ‘em!

It’s been quite a bummer of a time these recent months, with the pressures of Practicum and our time at NIE drawing to a close, i.e. assignments to hand in. Also, moving out of Hall X is an especially hectic and saddening time. But last week I was treated to a great surprise and it is one of the highlights of the year and perhaps of my 4 years in Hall. I was nominated for ‘Sports Captain of the Year 2006/2007′ at the Hall Awards Dinner! Yahoo!

It was to my great surprise when I saw my name before entering the Dinner Room at Nanyang Administrative(?) Center. ME! Wow! I almost did not come down as I had already moved out of Hall and was on attachment/practicum.

Anyways this is what it wrote:

Mark Tan (Handsome Picture not included haha)

Captain of the Takraw Team, he commands a fierce horde (Arooga!). Unlike the military, this captain is friendly, nice to talk to, basically a people’s person (what?!). He constantly seeks out new routines for training, gives encouragements to the team, spurring them to greater heights. Despite their unfulfilled campaign, the team has sworn to come back stronger the next year!

I wonder who wrote that! Must be Sylvia or one of the members of her Publications Committee. (Thanks!) Anyways I was delighted and shocked that they finally added a decent picture of me. Haha.

It was a night of great fun (no small part thanks to Freddie’s Ribbling) but I was a little anxious and not very hopeful cos the Basketball Captain was a pretty decent fellow and had brought them to the Semi-Finals this year. Also, of course, the captains of the rest of the games are pretty solid stuff too. Hopeful with fingers crossed. So it was a kind of just-enjoy-the-experience of hearing my name mentioned amongst the nominees night.

It has been a great experience being able to lead our Sepak Takraw team this year. It is a much different experience from leading our Scrabble team becos Scrabble is a much more ‘cultured’ activity (too many ladies haha) and we can’t do any of those chest-thumping, lion-roaring activities that my bunch were so fond of. ‘a fierce horde’ indeed. Of course, having just watched Frank Miller’s 300 in the cinema that day made recalling the experience of being in the team all that greater. It’s just something when lotsa sweat (buff?) guys get together and thrash-talk (this term is coined by Xiao Felix) and do all that guy fighting-bonding stuff. But damn, King Leonida’s Captain I ain’t. He was such a bad-ass in the show man. ‘basically a people’s person’ (sheesh couldn’t they have come up with something more fearsome? Haha. Like a Demons’ Person, or a Devils’ Person, or at least a Ladies’ Man?

Anyways I am quite proud to have been nominated and this is because it was an incredible journey for me - one of self-understanding and a lot of reflection. Why I say so?

Ok here’s the ultimate part: I thought so much about it that I actually wrote a 90% course essay for CED432: Thinking Skills in my final year. I put quite alot of effort into it and thought it was pretty good stuff (Got an A- so my tutor must have liked it too). Hopefully reading it will benefit the team (hope u all are reading, but unlikely considering that they are such ‘a fierce horde’ and barbaric bunch - no thanks to me, haha.) Anyways here’s the essay: (You can skip it if you want but there’s a twist to the end of this story so read it la!)

CED432: Thinking Skills – The Role of Motivation

Having lived for 3 years in NTU Hall of Residence 10, Sepak Takraw is the game I have enjoyed most. Competing in the Inter-Hall Games thrice, I have experienced a myriad of learning and thinking processes with the help of my seniors and ex-captains. However, none were as challenging as what I have experienced in my 4th year, when I was given the captaincy. If motivation ‘is an internal state or condition that serves to activate or energize behavior and give it direction’, (Kleinginna, 1981) then my key difficulty in this learning process would have been trying to mould and understand my own personal motivation so that I could impact these ‘internal state’s of others.

If ‘delegating the captaincy of a team to an individual […] mak[es] him or her more responsive to the group dynamics of the team’ (Cashmore, 2002), then this would be the start of a long transition to shift my focus from myself onto the team. Previously as a player in a team of 3, I was only aware of my personal motivation. I joined the game mainly to get participation points for hall accommodation (Safety), to feel a part of the hall spirit (Love and Belongingness), and to prove my abilities as a player (Self-Esteem). These needs seemed to fit within Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. With these lower needs met, I neglected the need of Self-Actualization, the highest and most elusive of Maslow’s needs (Santrock, 2004).

Hence my initially response to gaining the captaincy was that it was a confirmation of my personal efforts to fulfill these needs and goals throughout these years. As captain, I then wished to inculcate this same sense of self-determination (Ryan & Deci, 2002), the cornerstone of what I believed to be my ‘success’, to drive my players. But knowing what I wanted to impart, I realized the difficulty was in ‘how’ I would go about fostering something as personal and internal as motivation. Was it possible to make someone else relate to my own motivations?

It became apparent that my method of improving motivation among my members was flawed. It was contradictory to what self-determination stood for – ‘the increasing of internal motivation and intrinsic interests by way of giving more choice and opportunities in taking responsibility’ (Ryan & Deci, 2002). A ‘top-down’ approach in imposing my values on something as personal as motivation would surely fail. Also, this restricted my team mates in their opportunity to grow and take responsibility. Within Bernard Weiner’s causal attributions of achievement (Weiner, 1992), there are 3 dimensions - locus, stability, & controllability. If I was to continue imposing and aligning my team to my motivations, they would link their subsequent success or failure to me – an external locus of attribution. This was exactly opposite of me wanting them to be intrinsically motivated by their own reasons. Hence I was sure I had to stop and reexamine my own motivations before I could influence that of others.

Self-reflection and criticism is especially difficult when others appeal to one’s ego and verify one’s need for self-esteem. It is easy to be taken in by praise and become self-satisfied. Indeed, Maslow’s caution that ‘most people stop maturing after they have developed a high level of esteem, and therefore never become self-actualized’, (Santrock, 2004) is apt in describing my conundrum. Firmly entrenched in my own experiences and attitudes of the past 3 years in the game, I found it difficult in trying to change my perspective. Activating a new schema about an old experience was especially difficult when present and apparently ‘successful’ attitudes seemed to exist.

It is true that intrinsic motivation is a powerful tool vital for sport players. Instead of responding to ‘incentives’ – ‘positive or negative stimuli’ (Santrock, 2004) and external pressures and rewards like prizes, competition stress, and obligation to come for training, I had reached the point where I was willing to train my ball-juggling skills even alone - for the desire of self-improvement. Hence I was perhaps led to believe that I had reached the pinnacle of a self-regulated, intrinsically motivated player - and hence the perfect captain. Was there a need for me to change? The boost to my self-image was satisfying although, as I was to find out, I was self-deluded to think that I could lead a team just by being an exemplary player for others to model their own growth around. Since ‘motivation is largely manifest in people’s understanding of themselves’ (Cantor, 1986), I sensed that I had to understand my own motives before I could move onto that of others.

This thinking about my thinking, or meta-cognition, was the key to my final change in behavior and thinking. As one of Costa’s Habits of Mind, I think this is perhaps the most vital in bringing me about this learning and thinking journey. In conversations with my vice-captain of the team, we realized that were left without any of Vygotsky’s ‘scaffolds’ as all our seniors had graduated and we were supposed to take their place as leaders of the team. However, our discussions and reflection did reap its benefits.

I came to the understanding that I was still satisfied by my personal play and role in my team. Mistakes that lead to our defeats were not my personal errors and I felt relieved of responsibility to myself. However, thinking about how my graduated ex-captain guided us, I realized that his efforts were not to inculcate personal responsibility but personal responsibility to the team. I had been thinking too much in a self-centered manner all this while. If he had the same mentality then as I had now, he would not taken time to coach us as a team; perhaps, like what I was doing, he would only have concentrated on improving himself as a role model. I would then perhaps not have benefited from his guidance and become the player I was. Now, I wanted my impact not only on myself, but on my group of players. My mentality had to change.

A group is ‘two or more persons who are interacting with one another in such a manner that each person influences and is influenced by each other person’ (Shaw, 1976). Previously, I focused only on our personal motivations. Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs and Cognitive Perspectives of Motivation tend to center on the individual. However, as an individual responsible to a group, I had to break free from such a myopic mindset. I had to consider other factors along the lines of shared purpose, personal interdependence, collective identity – perhaps too many to address here. However, they all have a common link – to move beyond the individual and look at him as a part of a group.

            It was productive to examine my situation from the perspective of Kurt Lewin’s Group Dynamics (Schellenberg, 1979) where ‘groups are approached as entities in their own right rather than compositions of individuals’ (Cashmore, 2002). Appreciating my group members as they were – groups rather than individuals, I realized that Self-Actualization, Maslowe’s highest need, is perhaps a misleading term as it seems to point exclusively towards the individual. Also, the use of the prefix ‘Self-‘ tended to give the impression that this highest level of actualization had to be achieve apart from others – alone. However, a less known facet of Self-Actualization involves ‘solving the problems of others is a key focus in their lives’ and that such people ‘feel a closeness to other people’ (Wikipedia, 2006). As I witnessed the joy and camaraderie among my teams that fought together regardless of victory or loss, I realized that what they would finally achieve was secondary. It might be paradoxical to say so, but they had reached the best that their individual selves could be, and perhaps went even further as a group in ‘developing their full potential as a human being’ (Santrock, 2004).

            Here it became useful to go beyond the ideas of extrinsic and intrinsic motivation that I was familiar with. Both aforementioned forms of motivation were similar in having an internal locus of consequence – the Self. They only differed in terms of whether the locus of causality was internal or external. To realign each individual’s motivation towards a collective identity, contributive and relational motivation (Cardona, 2003) was necessary. Relational motivation stemmed from them being influenced by me (external locus of causality) to achieve something in terms of the team (an external locus of consequence). Eventually, I hoped that they would shift the locus of causality to within themselves – that they would become the originators of the motivation, and achieve contributive motivation – to be motivated within to contribute to something outside of themselves – the team.

            Throughout this learning experience I had undergone many transitions and shifts in my focus on motivation. Having satisfied my many needs in Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, I had tried to tackle Self-Actualization, only to realize to my surprise that it actually lay outside myself, and within my collective identity of my group. Also, I realized the incompatibility of my efforts in trying to inculcate a sense of personal motivation within others and expecting them to be motivated in the same way I was. Through all this, my empathy towards my fellow team mates has increased, and perhaps even more importantly, my understanding of my motivation and what drives me. This prize of understanding myself and others is better than any medal I can receive.

                                                            - End -

Wow, first time I’m posting an essay - if you’ve survived that congratulations! Well as you can see, this is what NIE people write, haha, boring snoozefest stuff. To those who think I’m sick in the mind for posting an essay, you’re not far from the truth la. But if you’re a part of my Takraw or Scrabble team, hope u learnt something!

Anyways, the ‘twist’ is that I won the award!

‘Best Sports Captain of the Year 2006/2007′!

So happy, one of the best things that happened to me so far this year. Sigh… tough times these…

No chance to make a speech there, anyways who wants to hear another teacher talk right? So here it goes:

Thank you to all my hall friends for fighting beside me. While we did not have a video or any prizes to show for - the best remains here, within our hearts, and the memories - forever in the mind. Thank you to the warriors of the team, the hall and my best bud, Reng. I love you guys.

my Takraw 1st 12 -TopL:Albert,Aaron,Shawn,Jimmy,MingRong,Reng,Kenny BottomL:Felix,Me,Ryan,LiWei,Fred (Absent: GuoChuan)

This motley gang!? A fierce horde?!

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